Thursday, 5 November 2009

The Global Economy, Futures Contracts and Good Old Fashioned Lock and Roll

There is no doubt my hair is important to me.
It may be vanity or it may be a yearning for youth. Whatever the reason, I like having hair on my head. Criticality of hair aside, pay me USD 15,000 for tufts of my hair and I will start shaving my head as regularly as Mother Nature grows it back!

For centuries, alchemists tried to create gold in their laboratories. Howeber, the real gold is in finding a cure for baldness

USD 15,000 is the sum paid at a recent auction for a lock of Elvis' hair. The hair was allegedly cut in 1958 when Elvis was drafted into the army.
Don't misunderstand me, I am flexible. I will happily enter into a 'futures' contract through which someone can take possession of my hair at a pre-determined future date. Not only will I gladly preserve my hair for the buyer but I will try to 'discount' my receivables through some innovative financial institution.
No doubt, in these difficult times my 'Hair Contract' may be a valuable asset. Hair is a fixed asset and real assets should retain their value in the coming era of high inflation!
If my time in banking has taught me one thing, it is to take cash (any currency will do thank you) when it's available. The tap may be unexpectedly shut at a moments notice. Hence, the desire to 'securitize' my hair and convert it into cash – while I still have the hair to execute the transaction.
Hair is serious business.

Don't ask me how much I spend on Regaine to preserve the tresses I have, or how much some members of the fair sex spend at their hair dressers. Me, I have recently discovered the joys of a SGD 10 haircut at Sri Nada barbers. Not only can I hold a discussion about rock music with my barber but he cuts my hair well. Honestly!
Hair is a part of a person's psychological well being.  
Consider what the American Hair Loss Association (AHLA), a non-profit welfare organization, has to say about the condition. Hair loss is an "... emotionally devastating disease. The AHLA recognizes that hair loss of any kind is a seriously life altering disorder and understands just how crippling this disease of the spirit can be to many who suffer with it."
Wow! Yes, that is a description of hair loss and not Alzheimer's or Parkinson's disease.
Islam teaches me to accept death as a normal part of the cycle of life. But what about coping with hair loss and its associated trauma? A gap in my religious knowledge best filled by consulting my learned Islamic mullahs from Pakistan's tribal areas! I am sure they can point me to the relevant verses from the Koran.
If Rock stars were Gods then the story of Ronnie James Dio is most appropriate for this tale. Dio, of course, means God in Italian. He is a rock star who shot to fame in the 1970s and 1980s. Like all rock stars of the day, long hair was part of his trademark.
Ironically, it was at the barbershop Sri Nada where I was reminded of Dio. My barber's cell phone rang and I recognized the ringtone as being a Ronnie James Dio tune. I enquired if Dio is still recording music.  
'I don't know la. But the last time I saw [a picture of] him, no hair already!'

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